god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
