Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
