I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
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I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
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Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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