rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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