All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
