Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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