I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
