Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
