dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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