You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
