Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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