The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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