the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
