it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
