they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
