Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
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he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
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Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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