Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
