im drinking this country out of the recession.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
