Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
