but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
