I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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