I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
