Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
