So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
