You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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