I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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