After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
