I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
