My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
