I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
