i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
