I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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