I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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