i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
