he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
