dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
