I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
