Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
