so let's talk penis.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
