he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
