Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
