What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
