i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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