It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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