how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
