The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
