Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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