either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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