Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
