She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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