then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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