Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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