sorry about calling you the devil all night.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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