Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
