I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
