I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
