Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
