Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
