similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
