I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
